Sunday, December 4, 2011

Sub-par Pinatas Suck Eggs

Store bought pinatas SUCK POOP!

In parties past I have painstakingly made my own pinatas from scratch.  Night after night I would add the flour glue combination and strips of yesterday's newspaper to a balloon shaped like the final product.  I was the master of this Frankenstein.

The pinatas I make are crafted with love and spunk.  They leave children baffled and awestruck.  Hitting one of my creations feels very much like batting a brick wall or a metal pole.  There is a "ding!" that sounds when struck that lets the player know they have met their pinata match.

 Usually, after all the children have had at least two opportunities to abuse my Frankenstein with forceful hits to the face I take over.  Frank meets his maker and I take him down sans blindfold.

This particular pictured pinata was purchased at a Hispanic grocery store for $18.  I thought it a good deal considering I had not had to put in hours and hours of glue laden manual service.

WRONG!  The store bought pinata was WEAK at best.  I was sorely disappointed.

It began to come undone with the first solid hits to its person.  It could not stand the pressure of a 4 year old child.  In addition, not all the children had a chance to hit the thing before it gave up the ghost.  Sinful!  Disappointing!

The candy just fell to the floor in a heap.  Terribly boring.  It is meant to fly in all directions so children might run from here to there and crash into one another in the acquisition of mini bags of M&Ms.

The children screamed and threw themselves atop the candy with their entire tiny bodies.  There was kicking and rolling around on the cold, wet ground.  There was thievery and tears. A terrible sight to behold, this brutal game that turns sweet children from the middle-class white suburbs into barbarians.

One sweet, gentle red-headed child stood weeping softly as she watch the other children shriek like banshees and greedily claw the ground for more candy.  She did not have it in her to join them.

"Come here sweetheart.  I found a few pieces of candy for you," I said.

She sniffed gratefully.

"These kids got really scary," she added in a small voice.

They will be all set to become Black Friday criminals as adults if they keep this up.

Maya is turning 7 this week.  We celebrated her birthday as she requested.  She was very particular about who she would and would not invite.  She wanted pink balloons and a teal pinata.

She insisted upon apple pie rather than birthday cake.

Apple pie, it is!

And there you have it folks.

7th Birthday party for youngest baby completed.  Phew!  I should be given an award.