Monday, December 12, 2011
Do You Want To Live To 100... Even Though You're Gonna Get All Saggy And Forgetful?
Research shows U.S. babies now have better than 50-50 odds of living to 100. ~National Geographic Nov. 2011.
Most studies of the centenarians show that if you're a woman, a nonsmoker, wealthy or slim, you're off to a good start. ~Brad Scriber wrote this stuff in the mag mentioned above.
So that means I may live to be 100!
I'm a woman. I did not build this snowman. He was here when I came.
I live the U.S.
I don't smoke or drink alcohol or do drugs or watch movies with questionable material or read super sexy books that make me feel sweaty and short of breath or have any fun whatsoever according to the opinion of the general population.
I'm wealthy, not by the standards of The Black Eyed Peas or Kate Middleton or The Muppets, but by the standards of the majority of the world, I am wealthy.
I have some sweet soft suede thigh high flat Lucky Brand boots to prove how wealthy I am. I bought them on sale at Dillard's last year during Black Friday. A stranger in the supermarket liked them so much last week she actually knelt down to pet my leg. THAT'S how wealthy I am.
On the other hand, my vacuum cleaner sucks 'cause it broke so it doesn't suck right now and I don't have the funds to replace it at the moment due to Christmas, and yet... I consider myself wealthy.
I enjoy an embarrassment of riches, really.
What other qualifications to reach 100, did it say? Hmmm...
Well... it really depends on the time of year. I'm a generally slim-ish with a juicy booty. I enjoy times of skeletal safety when I am experiencing great stress or have succumbed to a nasty bout of depression. Lately I am in the red zone so far as slimness goes. I suppose it means I have a healthy attitude regarding food. Whatever. After the holidays I will go back to running 10 miles a day and eating only protein powder and egg whites. Slim will not elude me!
I've done the math.
I am 35 years old. According to my calculations if I live to be 100 than I have no less than 87 years left on this earth and in this body.
In this body.
IN THIS BODY??? FOR 87 MORE YEARS??
I'm terrified. What will I look like in that amount of time?
I am nothing if not VAIN! You KNOW this!
If I were to spend 98 years in THIS body as it now is I would be pleased. I work hard to not be a frump. But to live in a constantly decaying vessel in which things break and cease functioning properly is SCARY!
I'M FREAKING OUT HERE! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY FUTURE SAGGING FLESH AND LOSS OF EYE SIGHT AND INCONTINENCE! Oh me OH MY!
Let's instead have YOU think about what YOU'LL look like and experience at the age of 100. Let it permeate your skull.
How does it make you feel?
Do you WANT to live that long?
I wouldn't mind sticking around to meet grand babies and great-grand babies and I might start an Old Gal Hip Hop group and perform at middle schools throughout the country raising awareness of .... who cares really... Dancing IS my thing, ya know...
What do you plan do to with yourself with the time you may have left?
Carpe Diem, my friends!
Let's do something truly CRAZY!
Like jaywalk in the presence of an officer of the law. Or blowup your neighbor's mailbox. Perhaps we could run about our own home in the buff when no one is home singing, "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas" .
I wish to grow wings and feathers and fly to Africa and ride an elephant all the way to Ireland. I would then have a stimulating conversation with a leprechaun.
If I'm gonna be Here I might as well enjoy it, eh?
Happy Living Everyone! Cheers to Life!