I watch two girls in the free weight area. They are tiny, tight and gorgeous. A blond and a brunette.
I'm impressed. They're strong and able and know what they're doing. Respectable, is what.
Good for you, I think at them.
I'm no hater.
Then they blow it. BLOW IT!
Out of the blue the girls both LIFT UP THEIR TANK TOPS and start doing standing ab exercises in front of the mirror. They are flexing this way and that. They are suddenly gyrating their hips in some pretense at abdominal training. They are making pouty lips and giggling. (Their abs are flawless, btw. But this is not the point.)
Chaos ensues.
Men begin dropping weights on their toes, walking into walls, shadow boxing with their reflections and urinating on dumbbells.
Women actually take on a murky green skin tone and stick their fingers down their throats in an effort to regurgitate any substance in their abdomens that might impede a flat tummy. Envy will do that to a person, I suppose. Envy inspires self induced projectile vomiting in many a North American lass.
Why the need to lift the tanks and expose what was previously covered? I'm disappointed.
So I shout,
"HEY! YOU GIRLS THAT I DON'T KNOW! YOU BLEW IT! WE ALL THOUGHT YOU WERE COOL AND SEXY IN A CLASSY WAY (sort of like this blog post). NOW WE THINK YOU'RE POSERS.
THIS ISN'T BAY WATCH UP IN HERE! Pamela Anderson has a show in Vegas now. I've seen it and she's HOT... BUT BAY WATCH WAS CANCELLED LONG AGO!!!
WHAT IF I PULLED MY SHORTS DOWN BELOW MY BUTT SO I COULD WATCH IT FLEX WHILE I DID DEAD LIFTS AND SQUATS? Hmmmm? I would look only SLIGHTLY less NEEDY and IMBECILIC than YOU!
IN ADDITION, DO YOU SEE ALL THE DROOLING, HOPEFUL MEN? NOW THEY THINK THEY HAVE A SHOT because you're removing clothing in their presence!! YOU KNOW THEY DON'T have a shot. They confuse easily in the face of nude midriffs. IT'S MEAN! LOOK AT THEM TRIPPING OVER THEIR OWN MANHOOD. THEY CAN'T THINK STRAIGHT WITH ALL THAT TAUT, TIGHT SKIN EXPOSURE! For shame."
And that's what I said to those girls. I think they learned a valuable lesson.
I apologize for all the yelling in this post... I really hate to see a needy spectacle... gets me all riled... unless of course that needy spectacle is me.
