Ooooo have I got a right spooky tale for you TODAY! Yessiree!
I reckon I'll tell ya that spooky tale if you'll stay a spell...
(Sorry 'bout the lingo... I just finished reading To Kill A Mockingbird tonight... so that's why...I'm very easily influenced.)
Now where was I? Ah yes... I reckon.
It were just last weekend I had me a dream. You oughtta know I was at my sister's house. She lives in Las Vegas. Goes by Coral. That's her name.
It was Sunday afternoon. We were real sleepy. Sleepier than a hen house in July on a sweaty man's face.
So we were fixin to take a nap. We yelled at all the chillun to quit fussin and be quiet right now or we'd lick every last one of 'em!
We settled down in her big ol' bed and slept like the devil.
In my dream my lip was hurtin somethin awful. It was all sore and inflamed. I kept rubbin at my bottom lip on the right side of my face. I kept saying to myself... I kept sayin',
"My bottom lip hurts on the right side of my face."
I suddenly understood I had gone'n grown myself a big ol' blemish right in that very spot! In my dream I was upset about said blemish. I'm 34 years old. I'm gettin on in years and there's NO CALL to be growin blemishes at my age! No call at all.
I was madder'n a squirrel!
I'll tell you what!
I done gone and woked up from that dream.
I woked up my sister and said,
"Ya wanna go down to the i-hop and have some pancakes after midnight?"
"Sure do," she said.
Pancakes are always best after midnight.
Pancakes after midnight are better'n a wet hen.
We sat across from each other at the i-hop
"Hey!" I said. "HEY! You have a break out just below your lip on the RIGHT SIDE OF YOUR FACE!"
She looked at me like I was stupid or somethin'.
"Yeah. Thanks for pointing it out. Jerk."
"OK! Yeah. BUT YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT ZIT BEFORE OUR NAP! DID YOU?"
I was getting all riled up'n excitable. The blemish was real small. Almost imperceptible to the human eye. But it was THERE. Right where my dream SAID IT WOULD BE!
She looked madder'n a squirrel.
"No. I didn't have it before our nap," she said all dry-like.
"I DREAMED UP YOUR BLEMISH! I DREAMED IT GREW ON MY FACE BUT REALLY IT WAS OCCURING ON YOUR FACE! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS! I MEAN WE KNOW I'M MAGICAL AND ALL. BUT THIS! THIS IS CRAAAZZZYYY!"
She agreed that I was indeed crazy.
I told my whole family the story when I had the chance.
I think my littlest sister, Michelle, was a bit jealous that I had not dreamed up a blemish for her face as well.
She was jealouser'n a sweaty man with a toothache.
Now don't you worry none about your own selves, my friends. I don't think I'm capable of dreaming up facial imperfections for YOU. We're not kin. So.
Here are some right crazy pictures of me and my lil sis. Made fresh this weekend.
PS Lest you think I got off free of charge, that very night I grew a blemish on my own face. It appeared on the left temple of my head. It was small (almost imperceptible to the human eye) but it was THERE.
As I am far too old for this nonsense...
I was madder'n a pig pen in August.