Monday, July 18, 2011
I Live in Constant Fear of Being Tagged at Random... Or... Drive By Shooting
Take a good long look at the picture taken above. Look hard now. What do you see?
It is me. I am wiping my nose with my hand. The hand that rocks the cradle. The hand that feeds my children and wiped their bottoms when bottom wiping time called for it.
My father is laughing. He is having a good time, clearly.
He is laughing because he knows that my sister, Michelle, has taken this picture.
Michelle has shot this shot. Of me. The Nose Wiper. Wiper for short. Or maybe just Nose.
As in, Hey Nose! Hows the weather up there... in your nose? Since you would know since you're wiping your nose?
Or how about "Wiper, no wiping! Wiper, no wiping! Aw, maaaan!" (A little Dora The Explorer humor for ya.)
Later on the self same night as The Shooting in question Michelle will post the photo on Facebook and tag me.
TAG ME! WITH THIS PHOTO! FOR ALL TO SEE!
I'm so ashamed I could just die.
This is NOT the image of myself I wish to portray.
I like to be viewed as quirky. Zany. Intelligent in an absent-minded sorta way. Maybe even a little (dare I confess?) sexy.
Will ANYBODY think me sexy or intelligent (in an absent-minded sorta way) after THIS?!
Nay. I say. I say NAY.
THIS has destroyed my well-crafted image. People will never view me in the same light ever again!
I wish for NO ONE to see this photo. Especially not you. Not my faithful readers. How can I show my face here again?
OH! WOE IS ME! WOE! WOE!
Woah. Hold up, people.
This picture has now been shared with all of my friends and family across the globe but I will drink Lemonade out of lemons with my chin up. Which burns a little.
I will laugh in the face of Miss Fortune. I will smile amid the wreckage of My Sullied Image. Giggle atop the Mountain of Shame.
I PRESENT TO YOU MY NEW IMAGE, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!
I AM A STRONG WOMAN OF THE AGE OF TECHNOLOGY AND SOCIAL NETWORKING IN WHICH WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE PICTURES OTHERS PUBLISH OF US IN FULL VIEW OF THE PUBLIC PEOPLE!
Let it be said that CRYSTAL THE PISTOL EMERGED TRIUMPHANT AFTER THE GREATEST NOSE WIPING DEBACLE OF OUR TIME.
PS If ANY of you call me Nose or Wiper I'll have you forever banned from my gracious presence.