Thursday, June 9, 2011

Puttin' Out Fires

ARIZONA IS ON FIRE! Did you know that?  Fiery Flames are lickin' our faces off.

I'm supposed to be taking 20 girls up Tinder Mountain for a week long girl's camp at the end of June. Remember my reaction when I was asked to be Girl's Camp Director?  Due to angry weather conditions the mountain is closed.  CLOSED FOR BUSINESS!

I should be happy for myself.  Sad for the trees and bears and deer and birds and bees but pleased I narrowly escaped the call to camp.  You KNOW I'm not a camper.  It smells funny at camping.  I like the smokey smell.  But the B.O. I could live without.  Plus where is the outlet for my flat iron?  Exactly.  Not ideal.  Not ideal.  So I should be happy.

But I am NOT happy!  I am... I am... dare I say... disappointed?  *gasps*  Yes!  I AM  DISAPPOINTED! DEFLATED!  Do you know how many hours I've spent complaining about an activity that simply won't take place now??  I'll never live it down!

My plan was I'd tell everybody how I'm not a camper and constantly explain to All I am making a huge sacrifice for the greater good.  THEN... oh then... I would SHOW THEM ALL!  I would be the best darned camper in the land of camping.  I would climb trees (because that's what campers do).  I would set quality fires (not in the trees but in the designated fire areas as prescribed by that talking bear -not Yogi-  the other one, with the hat).  I would cook eggs and bacon with sticks and rocks.  And I would sing all the day long.

But now I can't do that stuff.  I can't tell you how much effort I've put into this project.  I EVEN BOUGHT REAL LIVE HIKING BOOTS SO I WOULD LOOK EXTRA CUTE AND LIKE I BELONGED IN THE WILDERNESS! I actually started dreaming bears were eating the girls in my camp.  THAT'S how invested I was.

And now that stupid stupid fire has ruined EVERYTHING.

 I have been watching the news.  Watching as the brave men and women do their best to control the flaming beast to no avail.  Frustrating. Putting out fires is a tough job.

Now it's MY turn to put out a fire.

The girls I planned to take to camp have paid cash money.  They are expecting to be spiritually uplifted and to  bond with friends and leaders and me.  Adults have taken time off work and kids are willing to turn off their i-pods and cell phones (miracles never cease).

I'm told it's my job to come up with something great.  I have two weeks to plan.  I have three words for you, my friends... ROOM SERVICE!  There WILL be hotels involved.

I'm taking the girls to visit The Gila Temple in Thatcher, AZ. for two days.  I decided only moments ago, just prior to having a complete nervous breakdown.

But there will be no nervous breakdown because I am a fire fighter.  I put out fires.  I wish a could get a hold of this guy's outfit cause I would make it really sexy somehow.

Instead I will sit here and put out fires in my own way.  In my own head.  In my own time.  In my own one-piece swimsuit just like The Mormons advise.  (I actually DO own one.  I found it all crumpled up and neglected in the back of my closet.  I don't know that I love it but I'm making baby steps here. Baby steps toward modesty in swimwear.)

This is me putting out fires.

The Lord knows I was willing to camp. I accepted the call.  I was willing to endure to the end and endure it well.  NOW I shall be exalted in a hotel room with a shower and a hot tub!  HALLELLUJIA!!!  I will take the girls on an invigorating hike and then to the temple and then to a pizza parlor.  That's my kind of camping.