Monday, May 9, 2011

Letting Myself Go


I've HAD IT!

I am hereby letting you all know I have officially decided to let myself go.

Go WHERE, you ask?

I have decided to go the Way of Elastic Waistbands and Twinkies.  The Way of The Softie Belly.  The Way of The Whale.

I ran 10 miles this morning.  TEN MILES!  UP HILL.  BOTH WAYS!  It was snowing and 110 degrees out.  Yet there I was, pumping my little legs for all they were worth.  The little Caboose that could.

I think I can!  I think I can!  CHUGGA! CHUGGA! CHOO! CHOO!

(Saying "Chugga" aloud is funny.  Liberating, even.  Go for it.  You won't be sorry.)

As I was running I passed very fit man in his 70's.  He pedaled a crazy contraption in which the seat is low to the ground and the pedals are at the pedaler's eye level.

"You're going faster than I am!" said the peddler.

That pedaler peddled pride.

I felt puffed up and special.  Speedy quick.  Lightening slick.

I laughed and continued running.  LIKE A FOOL!

Who DOES this? 

Who runs 10 miles on a Monday morn?  Then cleans her house from top to bottom?  Makes dinner?  Feeds family?  Does the Hated Homeworks?  Leads the Fam in a vigorous spiritual discussion?  All in ONE DAY?

Then who tries to fall asleep but is aching from tip to toe and must get out of bed to take 4 ibuprofen and write a complaining blog post?

Me.  In case I wasn't clear, ME does that stuff.

And I've HAD IT!

I am a MARRIED WOMAN!  What need have I for physical fitness? Or external beauty?

He bought the cow.  Now he has to sleep with it!

Mr. Pistol promised to love me through thick and thin.  Well folks, I've done thin (-ish) til I'm blue in the face.  I'm ready for some PIE!  Pecan is my favorite. 

Oh yeah, baby.  I'm ready for some Soaps and Bon Bons.  That's what Stay-At-Home Moms are SUPPOSED to do.  Stereotypes are there for a reason.  Why kick against the pricks?

You'll still love me, right?  When I'm popping the seams of my Vintage Gowns and graduate to Moo-Moos?  Moooooo.

You won't leave me for another woman just because I...

You hesitated!  *gasp*  I SAW you hesitate!  How SHALLOW can a blog reader BE?  You mean to tell me that after all we've been through together you would abandon me simply because I roll around Wal Mart in a motorized wheelchair?!

*sob*   I've never been so disillusioned in my lifetime!  Oh me!  Oh my!  Whatever shall I...


I've said I'm letting myself go and THAT'S what I intend to do.  With or without you...

It's like the old saying goes, if you let it go it was never going to stay thin in the first place.   ?

Where was I?...

OH!    And while I'm at it I think I'm done with all the O.C.D. house cleaning.  Fun Gus is my friend.  Bacteria is actually good, ya know.  It helps strengthen the immune system.

I have nothing further to add as I must climb back in bed and toss and turn and not fall asleep for several more hours.

As I toss and turn I will ponder the source of this addiction. 

Why do I put so much pressure on myself?  Who is at fault?  I need someone to blame!

If you have any ideas, please share. (It's probably the fault my mother and her mother before her but that's an entirely different post...)

PS I have another half-marathon this Saturday in Prescott. Wish me luck.