Monday, March 14, 2011

Hug of Death

Some Dude at the gym HUGGED ME.  Today. 

I hadn't seen him in over a year.

"Hey!  CRYSTAL!!!! WHAT UP, GIRL!" he yelled from across the gym.

Then he rushed over and HUGGED ME!

I was caught completely off-guard.  I don't just go around HUGGING men.   I'm no Hussy!  What do you take me for? 

I acted real cool and had a short convo with Dude.

"So you haven't done any Figure Shows in a while, huh?  You've put on a couple pounds.  You look good though!  Healthy," said Dude. 



The LAST thing in the world I want to look is HEALTHY!  Could he BE any more RUDE?  Why not just call me MORBIDLY OBESE?! 

First he HUGS me then he calls me HEALTHY?!  Can you imagine THE NERVE?!

In Dude's defense, he is single and young and certainly stoned.

I started TRIPPIN' after I said goodbye to Dude.

What was I going to tell Jealous Mr Pistol regarding The Hug?!

I wouldn't tell him.

But what if Dude saw Mr. Pistol at the gym and said, "Hey man, I saw your Old Lady the other day.  I hugged her."

Mr. Pistol would be blind-sided.  Then he'd punch the guy.  Maybe even KILL him.

Oh no.

Killed over a Hug!


Ok.  Be calm.  It's cool.  Hugs are no big deal.  It's just the act of some random Dude putting his arms around you and squeezing tight... 

OH $%#@!

OH &*^%!

This is bad.  Real bad.

I had to tell.

I texted Mr Pistol.


I saw Dude in the gym today.  We had a nice convo.  He was very excited to see me.  He hugged me.  He's not very smart.  I think he was on drugs.  He's ugly.  Please don't get all crazy. 

Luckily Mr. Pistol was a good mood.

He called me.

"DO I NEED TO BEAT HIS ASS?!" he boomed.

I explained it was a run-of-the-mill-ho-hum-hug.  Nothing to worry about.  I was just covering my bases.

To my great shock, Mr. Pistol chuckled, "I guess I can't blame a guy for trying."


No fight for my honor?!  No slap to the face with a glove followed by an invitation to duel at dawn? 

I can't believe this crap.  I'm so disapppointed.