Monday, January 31, 2011

Crystal Clear

Tore myself away from my book just long enough to say "Sup, ya'll".

Hunger Games.  hollah!

All the OTHER Mormon moms I know have read it.  I'm WAY behind.

I hate when I get sucked into Mainstream Crap.  I want to believe I'm smarter than the average bear. 

I'm a cliche, I realize.  SO LAME!!!  AND PREDICTABLE!  UGH!

I know I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill, but I can't help it! I got a bee in my bonnet.

Let's not beat around the skirt... Play cat and mouse.  ...Bush the issue.

I'll just come right out and say it...

I want to be SEXY AND MYSTERIOUS.  I wanna be the Cat's Meow! Purr.  But HOW can I be mysterious when I can't tell my ass from my elbow?

Is The Bachelor QUALITY entertainment for an aspiring writer?!  IS IT?  No.  Yet I can't tear myself away.  Im concerned for Brad.

Brad Womack is smart as a tack.  Sharp as a whip.  He's surrounded by gorgeous women full of spit and piss and they all want HIM!

He makes out with EVERY SINGLE CHICK!  In his charming Southern drawl he says, "Come over here and kiss me, PLEASE!". 

I believed he was sincere the first 5 times he used that line... I even gasped and said, "Aww how sweet!  He must really like her!" 

Iz gotz words for you, BRAD WOMACK,   fool me once, shame on you.  fool me twice...shame on those dumbhead bimbos you mackin' on all day!

I'm trying to have faith in Brad though.  He's bound to find love this time around!  Even a blind squirrel finds an acorn sometimes.

I'd like to consider myself an artist of sorts.

But do artists eagerly await the next taping of AMERICAN IDOL?  And practice laughing like Jennifer Lopez in the mirror when no one is around?  Hmmmm?  (I'm just green with envy whenever she's on screen.)

I can't come off as MYSTERIOUS AND SEXY when I read every freakin' TWIGHTLIGHT BOOK in 4 days!  My heart was racing with anticipation the whole time.  HOW HUMILIATING!  Vampires and warewolves?  REALLY, CRYS?  REALLY??

It's like I'm crapping on my own doorstep with this mess.

I can barely look myself in the eye.  But beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so I GOTTA look.  Seeing is believing.

Sexy people are deliberate. Slow as molasses.  I'm fast and furious.  I got perpetual aunts in my pants.  ants. in my pants.

Now I'm reading The Hunger Games, which is better than a poke in the eye.  Real, Kick in the head.

I'm not gonna lie.  Hunger Games is the breast thing since sliced bread!

 I ran right over to my Mormon mom friend down the street and borrowed books 2 and 3 tonight.  I'm almost done with book one and I only bought it YESTERDAY.  Sooooo lame.

I'm on the edge on my seat with all the blood and death.  Every time a player bites the dust my heart beats a little faster. 

Who really knows what I'm sayin here?  Clear as mud, right? Crystal.

If we stand shoulder to shoulder at the crack of dawn we will be larger than life.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket or sell yourself short. 

I'd bet the farm if I bite the hand that feeds you.

All is well is Zion.

PS  If friends were flowers, I'd pick you.  But just remember, every rose has its thorn... just like every cowboy sings a sad, sad song.