Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Tamales and Ding Dongs

"Eres muy buena pa' bailar, Crystal," said my mom's friend, Belen. (You're a really good dancer, Crystal,"  dijo la amiga de mi Mama, Belen.)

Did you see what I did with the whole English/Spanish translation up there? I think I'm pretty clever.

I spent the ENTIRE day singing and dancing.

I am experimenting with font size.

I danced about my mother's kitchen as I made tamales with my mom, abuelita and friends.

Tamale making is a day long project accompanied by lots of laughing and making merry.

Do you see how pretty those tamales are?!  I'm very proud.


Mexican music blared from a tiny radio.  I was helpless against it.  My feet spun me all over the house.  My hips had a mind of their own and I belted corridos y cumbias at the top of my lungs with tamale masa up to my elbows.

"La Crystal es la mas contenta de todas.  Que bueno, Crystal," said my Grandmother.  ("Crystal is the happiest of all of us.  That's good, Crystal," dijo mi Abuelita.)

I was SOOOO happy.  It doesn't get better than Mexican food, Mexican music, Mexican women and Mexican ME!

After the tamale party I got ready to go to sing at the church Christmas social for Ladies Only.

This is what I wore to church. Churchy, eh?  Just call me the church lady.  Be like, "Hey Church lady, nice shoes!"  And I'll be like, "Thanks, Man! They're my churchy hooker heels!" 

Church hooker shoes are different than reg'lar hooker shoes.  Far more subtle. 

I sang a crazy song at church.  In my suble church hooker heels and pink Santa hat.

A few ladies asked,

"Where did you get that cute, pink Santa hat?"

"Victoria's Secret," I replied.  "It came with a different outfit, which would be inappropriate for this function..."

We all giggled. Tee hee hee hee.  ... Like that.

Lemme give ya the background info on my singing performance.

I said to the people, "Hey people!  Don't ask me to sing a solo.  I will vomit on my shoes!"

My shoes are very important to me!

Nobody cares about my shoes so the people asked me to sing a sorta solo.

I sang soprano a cappella whilst my backup peeps sang the part underneath me with accompaniment.

I sang a parody of Carol of the Bells, which may be the most irritating Christmas song in existence.

I decided the only way to make this silly song work was to be dramatic and bigger than life and TOTALLY NUTS!  Mission accomplished.

The final line of the song was me all alone.  The line went like so, "I'm a DING.... DONG!"

There was a firmata over DING and another firmata over DONG. 

It was my favorite part.  I sang it like this, "I'M A DIIIIIIINNNNGGG-GAH! DOOOOONNNNNG-GAH!"

I didn't even crack a smile.  I was very serious about being a ding dong.

There is absolutely NOTHING cool about the performance I did.  Cool kids need not apply.  I feel super humbled   Guess I don't care that much about bein' all aloof and slick.  I'd rather have fun!

That's my adventure in wonderland.  Peace out, yo.