Saturday, November 27, 2010

Get Lucky

Which pair of shoes should I buy my wife so I can get lucky on Christmas Day? thought one man at the Black Friday Dillards shoe sale.  He looked genuinely distressed.

I can see people's thought bubbles.  I'm magical, you understand.

Another man thought, My woman has gotten mighty fat.  Maybe if I buy her a pair of running shoes she'll get off the couch.  I miss the days when I could see her waist...  He held a pair of Nike trainers as he scratched the family jewels.

Do these shoes make my nose look big?  thought a teenaged girl with an unfortunate shnoz.

Will these heels make me look skinnier than my stupid sister on Christmas Eve?  She's probably vomiting Thanksgiving as we speak, thought a pleasantly plump blond wearing an unpleasant expression.

A young single dude's thought bubble said, How little do I have to spend to continue the booty calls with Lisa without having to commit? So many fish in the sea!  I wonder if her sister would hook up with me... she's hot too...

Yes folks.  It has arrived once again!  The season of BUYING.  'Tis the season to put far too much stock in the material.  Tis the season to hope the perfect purchase will provide the affection, approval, motivation, love and sex we've always dreamed of!

I happen to LOVE Christmas time and everything about it.

I love the commercialization of the Holiday.  I love that people feel pressured into giving me stuff I don't need.  I don't mind if they go in debt!  That's what LOVE is all about!

I'm a huge gift giver.  I adore thinking about a person and picking the perfect something.  I love making folks feel special.  I especially enjoy showing-up other gift givers with my undaunted generousity.  The thrill of hearing my siblings say, "Crystal always gives great gifts," is almost more than I care bare.

This year budgets are tight the world over.  This year we are The Widows giving of our mites.  (For those of you who don't read the Bible, a mite is a tiny free-loading bug that preys on the skin and clothes and bedding of Loved ones...THAT'S how bad the economy is.  We are gifting BUGS.)

In years past I was so busy rolling around in money I had no thought of budgets. I just bought, bought, bought.  My husband did not worry if he was spending our meager monies on The Right Gift.  I did not worry anyone would out do me in the gift giving dept.

Today I decided to spare my husband the stress of wondering what to buy me for Christmas.

Side Note:  ATTN LADIES!  Men are terrified during the Holidays!  They quiver in fear at the thought of gift giving.  Set their minds at ease by letting them know you will give freely of your ...ummm... assets... no matter what they provide.  (Merry Christmas, Gentleman!  This advice was my gift to YOU.  You're Welcome!)

Back to ME:

I picked out a great pair of Lucky Brand Light Brown Flat Suede Thigh High Boots and let my husband purchase them. 

THIGH HIGHS!!!! YES!!!!  EEEEEEEEE!!!!!  (Don't worry.  I was very nice and made sure we could afford them without stress. They were on Super Black Friday Sale.)

In the picture below I am holding a Dillard's bag that contains my precious boots. 

I have promised my husband if he wraps them and puts them under the tree I will feign surprise.  I will squeal with genuine glee.  He WILL get lucky.  Easy Peasy.  Everyone wins.

Happy Shopping Everybody!!!!