Thursday, October 7, 2010

Woopie Gaga

PART 1~  Gaga

"Are you gonna dress up for Halloween, Crystal?" asked Kristen.  She manages the Bufalo Exchange I frequent.

I was perusing a rack of very revealing costumes.  I always find it entertaining how many chicks use Halloween as a good excuse to wear lingerie in public.  Whatever.  Not my biz-ness.

"Yeah I always dress up but this year I'm feeling uninspired. I'm just not feelin' it,"  I said.

Presently, a woman came in with clothes to sell.

"Hey!  Check these boots out, Crystal! Super crazy thigh highs! They're you're size!  $18."   said Kristen.

A small miracle on my behalf... I'm just sure of it!

I gasped.  "I love them!  They're perfect!  Maybe I'll be Lady Gaga!" 

I was giddy. 

"Yeah!" said Kristen,  "You could take a huge pair of sunglasses and glue cigarettes or playing cards to them and wear a crazy leotard... Lady Gaga doesn't like to wear pants...."

Hmmm.  I dig the idea.  I'm trying to figure out a way to pull it off without getting kicked out of the church party...  Any ideas?  I'm open to suggestions...  What can I substitute for ciggies?

Whatever happens, this I know:  I will be wearing these boots!

I may break my neck.  It's worth it.

Part 2~ Wooopie

There is a children's thrift store located next to Bufalo Exchange.

In the window this afternoon the dummy was sporting a freaking amazing Woopie Cushion costume.

"How much is that AWESOME costume?"  I asked.

"Four bucks," said the cool girl with lots of tats and pink hair and a bull ring in her nose.

"WHAT??  Ummm... I NEED to own that thing!  FOUR BUCKS??? For the best costume EV-ER?!" So great was my exitement I lost all sense of decorum and began to remove the costume from the dummy myself.

I was dizzy with glee.

"I hope to force my son to wear this," I said.  "And if he doesn't... I WILL!" 

I realize the package says this costume is meant to fit a child age 8-10 years old and I exceed the age limit by a decade or two or three but it is the young at heart who wear crazy 5 inch hooker boots that succeed in annoying the uptight and proper mommies at the party.  And that, my friends, is the greatest gift of all...

T-bone has not seen Woopie yet.  He was asleep when I arrived home this evening.  I am planning to have a serious heart to heart regarding the merit of said costume... Wish me luck.