PART 1~ Gaga
"Are you gonna dress up for Halloween, Crystal?" asked Kristen. She manages the Bufalo Exchange I frequent.
I was perusing a rack of very revealing costumes. I always find it entertaining how many chicks use Halloween as a good excuse to wear lingerie in public. Whatever. Not my biz-ness.
"Yeah I always dress up but this year I'm feeling uninspired. I'm just not feelin' it," I said.
Presently, a woman came in with clothes to sell.
"Hey! Check these boots out, Crystal! Super crazy thigh highs! They're you're size! $18." said Kristen.
A small miracle on my behalf... I'm just sure of it!
I gasped. "I love them! They're perfect! Maybe I'll be Lady Gaga!"
I was giddy.
"Yeah!" said Kristen, "You could take a huge pair of sunglasses and glue cigarettes or playing cards to them and wear a crazy leotard... Lady Gaga doesn't like to wear pants...."
Hmmm. I dig the idea. I'm trying to figure out a way to pull it off without getting kicked out of the church party... Any ideas? I'm open to suggestions... What can I substitute for ciggies?
Whatever happens, this I know: I will be wearing these boots!
I may break my neck. It's worth it.
Part 2~ Wooopie
There is a children's thrift store located next to Bufalo Exchange.
In the window this afternoon the dummy was sporting a freaking amazing Woopie Cushion costume.
"How much is that AWESOME costume?" I asked.
"Four bucks," said the cool girl with lots of tats and pink hair and a bull ring in her nose.
"WHAT?? Ummm... I NEED to own that thing! FOUR BUCKS??? For the best costume EV-ER?!" So great was my exitement I lost all sense of decorum and began to remove the costume from the dummy myself.
I was dizzy with glee.
"I hope to force my son to wear this," I said. "And if he doesn't... I WILL!"
I realize the package says this costume is meant to fit a child age 8-10 years old and I exceed the age limit by a decade or two or three but it is the young at heart who wear crazy 5 inch hooker boots that succeed in annoying the uptight and proper mommies at the party. And that, my friends, is the greatest gift of all...
T-bone has not seen Woopie yet. He was asleep when I arrived home this evening. I am planning to have a serious heart to heart regarding the merit of said costume... Wish me luck.
