Monday, October 11, 2010

Fancy Football

My dad hooked me up with Sky Box tickets to the UofA football game on Saturday.  We played against the Orange Team.

We lost by TWO POINTS!  We were undefeated and now ... not so much...  Sad story. 

I still had sooo much fun though!

Did you know that up in the sweet Suite they serve FOOD?!  Lots and lots of FOOD!  A whole freaking schmorgasboard (I hate that word... it makes me feel stupid when I say it out loud...I feel like that crazy chef on the Muppets... schmorga schmorgee schmoo...).

So this is what I devoured from the fancy sky box shmorgasboard. 

I love the Mexican hotdogs in pan birote with bacon wrapped around them and all kinds of salsa and crap on top.  Yum.

See that frothy white thing with the toothpick stinkin' out at 12 o'clock on my plate?  OMGosh!  That was the highlight of the game for me...  It was a Cream Cheese Stuffed Jalapeno.  I'm totally salivating just thinking about it!

I ate a few of those and then my husband dropped one of his on the floor. When no one was looking I ate that one too.  I'm not kidding. 

I love to go to football games!  I love the crowd and the energy and the cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders are sexy and distracting.  I'm completely secure in my sexuality.  I just don't swing that way, but you'd have to be BLIND and completely asexual not to be distracted by healthy, althletic co-eds bouncing around in teeny mini skirts.

It's common knowledge the dude cheerleaders are the smartest folks on the field.  If I were a dude I would definitely find a way to make a career out of lifting hot chicks up by their crotches.  It just makes sense...

My only complaint about sitting in the fancy section is that everyone is so well-behaved and civilized.  I was hollerin' up a storm and most folks were doin' a gentle golf clap... and staring at me.

When I sit in the bleachers with the dregs of society I know some fat man is gonna spill his beer on my lap and I will inevitably sit in someone's nachos.  I know I will make fast friends with die hard fans and eat my weight in hotdogs.  I enjoy that kind of thing.

Despite the calm in the room I couldn't help yelling things like,

"GO! GO! GO!"





Sometimes in football I don't know what the hell is going on.  I'm not one of those chicks who pretend to know stats and rules.  I'm not a complete idiot though...

If I see one of the big men in the stretchy pants and UofA colors running fast in the right direction I cheer really loud.

When the Orange Guys have the ball and run in the opposite direction and no one knocks them down I act very put-out and upset.

I take a break from my dramatics during half time. 

In Tucson it's pretty cool cause you get to see traditional Mexican dances and lots of slutty UofA students wearing next to nothing simply because the weather allows.

When I was little girl I used to wear dresses like this.  I know that dance.  I made sure to perform right along with them from my fancy perch behind the glass. 

Ever heard of Jenny From Da Block?  Yeah?  Well I'm Cryssy From The Da Block.  HOLLLAAAHHH!

My Intelligent Football Observation:

Have you noticed when a field goal is kicked a safety net goes up to protect the crowd on that side of the end zone?  I noticed it.  I think it's crap.

In my humble opinion there should be NO NET.  There is no net in baseball when a homerun occurs, is there?  People are dying to catch that ball!

I feel the same should be the case in football.  A field kick to the head could be a new tradition!  If you get clocked in the face by a football it could be an indication of 7 years good luck!

It'd be like BLAM!  Broken nose.  Blood gushing everywhere.  CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

GO TEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!