Thursday, August 12, 2010

I Don't Get It

It winter.  I was facing the worst depression on my life.

I went to church anyway.  I could barely contain the tears and spoke as few words as possible to those around me.

A woman I had always thought of as The Strange Bug Lady approached me.

"You seem low today," she said.  "I always come to church and look to you for a lift in spirit.  Where is that smile today?"

I tried to smile for her.  Couldn't.

"It is taking a sabatical," I said softly.

Who knew she'd been watching me so closely?  Who knew I made a difference in her life somehow by just entering a room?  I certainly didn't.

People are drawn to me.


This is where you blow a great deal of smoke up my ass and regail me with countless tales of my greatness.

But seriously.  I DON'T GET IT!  Lots of people want to be my friend and I feel slightly overwhelmed and confused.  (It's that insipid social anxiety of mine...)

I have recently acquired a new best friend.  Laura.  I don't actually know her.  She chose me to write her clever "blog within a blog".  Why ME?  (It could very well be my friend Laura is just messing with me to get a reaction... I don't know.  But still... WHY ME?)

I also discovered a new kindred spirit because she discovered me first.  She talks openly about ORGASMS on her family oriented blog.  She is my kind of gal.  But she wrote about me without my knowledge.  Why?

I'm truly scratching my head in wonder.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm fabulous in a lot of very real ways.  No one could accuse me of having a lack of confidence... but  I'll never understand why other people see so clearly too.

Do you understand what I'm saying here?

It's all a ruse to coerse you into listing my virtues and explaining in excruciating detail exactly WHY they appeal to you so.

Are we talking about me yet?

PS  Please don't write all kinds of nice things about me now...  I'll die of shame.  I'm just sharing thoughts here...