I LOVE JUNK FOOD!!!
I don’t admit to this weakness often but YOU are my closest friends and I think we should be honest with one another.
I have fallen off the Fitness Wagon as of late. Traveling generally gives me a feeling of invincibility . As a gypsy I am impervious to anything FATTENING.
And so I indulge.
Do you remember Cookie Monster on Seseme Street? That big blue, googly eyed, fluff-ery monster reminds me very much of myself.
Did you ever notice how he always TRIED not to indulge the plate of cookies before him? He would stand before the temptation at hand and internally debate his course of action. He WANTED to do the right thing, didn’t he?
But… inevitably….. “COOOOOOKKKKIIEEE!!!!! AAAAAHHHHUMH RAHMMMM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM YUM UM um um um yum….”.
Cookie bits would fly in every conceivable direction when Cookie gave in to call of The Chocolate Chip Demons.
I am Cookie Monster.
But I don’t just stop at Cookies (although, I really do love them with all the feelings of a tender spirit…). I also love nachos, hot dogs, hamburgers, chips and gooey dip, chicken wings, ranch dressing on everything, fries and doughnuts filled with sticky icky confection.
I pile my plate high to the sky. You can only see my maniacal eyes over the plate of “food”. My heart races and I tell myself, “This will be the last time…”.
Then… “JUNK FOOOOOOD!!! AHGJHGUM RUM RUM YUM RYUM GUM GULP CHEW GULP CHOKE UM UM UM um um…”.
Bits of matter PRETENDING to be actual food fly in every direction landing on the floor, in my lap, in my hair and on the neighbor. When I am done I am SPENT! My breath is heavy and labored as I grasp to regain self-control. Guilt engulfs me like a warm blanket on a sweaty summer day. OH! THE GUILT!
I’m not proud of my behavior.
I come from a family where a great deal of focus is placed upon THE BOD. There is always a silent competition between my sisters and I. And sometimes one of them will say, “Your thighs are looking LARGE!” which is clearly not silent at all.
My mother’s sisters also compete in this way and my Abuelita oversees the entire affair like The Mexican God Father (Mother) of Fat intake and lumpy back sides.
In my family, if you get TOO chunky you may wake up to find a bloody horse head in your bed…
It’s FUN because in my Mexican fam we have a NO FATTY LEFT BEHIND POLICY.
My aunts have no problem approaching me and saying, “oooo so you’ve gained weight…”. they say it loud and proud for all to hear.
Don’t judge them too harshly. They do it out of LOVE and COMPASSION and CONCERN. They don’t want to see me expand like a pot bellied pig anymore than I wanna see me expand like a pot bellied pig.
So today I repent. I repent out of guilt and a strong sense of self-preservation…
My body feels sufficiently disgusting and unhealthy and my smile in this pic is unbelievably contrived and fakey fakerson.
My mind is polluted with the desire for synthetic foods.
With my tail between my legs I head back to the gym.
My breakfast was a protein shake with fresh fruit. Lunch will be an egg white omelette. And dinner will consist of lean chicken with veggies. Humble pie for dessert…. Yum.
