When I go to dinner with my brother and order a dinner salad he generally points to the croutons and says, “Don’t eat that.” He has coined the term “FATTIES” to describe the crunchy lil nuggets. He has a point. They add no joy to my eating experience but they DO add extra fat where I don’t want extra fat. I don’t eat them. ( Like me, he is SOOOOOO Honest…)
I’ve been thinking about my friend, Slim Lady. She has also been asking me about what foods she should eat to both lose and keep the weight off. It’s like this:
SL: Hey Crys! Sup?
ME: Sup, Slim! How you feelin’ today?
SL: Oh I feel kinda fat and bloated and tired. But what else is new? *laughs weakly*
ME: Why are you so tired?
SL: I stayed up last night watching Friends re-runs. I feel guilty because I had a whole bag of Doritos and a brownie… I’m so SICK of feeling like this! What do I do?
ME: Well, did you know that if you don’t get enough sleep your metabolism SLOWS DOWN!?
SL: No!
ME: Yeah and when you’re tired throughout the day you are more likely to over-eat too!
SL: So staying up late makes me FAT?
ME: Yup. And the sodium in Doritos makes you bloated and the sugar in your brownie gives you wrinkles faster.
SL: WHAT?!
ME: Uh huh.
SL: That SUCKS! I JUST CAN’T LOSE WEIGHT! I mean, today I didn’t even have breakfast or lunch and then I had a HUGE salad for dinner. I’m just getting FATTER!
ME: DON’T DO THAT TO YOURSELF! You are putting your body into starvation mode and then overloading it! It is HOARDING your fat! You are totally sabotaging yourself! And I’ll bet you put bacon, ranch and croutons on your salad, huh?
SL: *nods sheepishly* So how am I supposed to eat?
ME: You have to eat 6 small meals a day. Every meal must have protein and complex carbs.
SL: What’s your obsession with protein? I don’t like meat that much…
ME: Protein shapes and builds your sexy muscles, Slim! Under your squishy body is a smoking’ HOT Lady just WAITING to walk with SWAG! When you build muscle your body looks tight feels tight! PLUS, the more muscle you have the faster your metabolism!
SL: Huh. I try to eat frequently. I have snacks all day long with the kids…
ME: Goldfish crackers and frozen fish sticks don’t count…
SL: Oh, they don’t? I also take the kids to quick restaurants because I am soooo busy. Before I know it I’ve had a huge burger and fries and a shake!
ME: STOP IT! YOU'RE KILLING ME HERE! NO GOLDFISH! NO FRIES AND SHAKES! QUIT DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!
SL: I’m not doing anything to MYSELF! I’m doing my best to….
ME: NO! YOU’RE NOT! YOU ARE NOT DOING YOUR BEST AND YOU KNOW IT!
SL: YOU’RE KINDA MEAN.
CONVO OVER:
OK PEOPLE. Here’s a little tough love for ya. YOU LOOK HOW YOU WANNA LOOK. You get me? Unless you have had some debilitating illness or injury or major health issue, YOU LOOK HOW YOU WANNA LOOK! If you LIKE how you look than you don’t need me… But if you want a little motivation keep reading.
You make a decision EVERY TIME you put food in your mouth. If your priority is a trim, lean body then THAT’S what you will have! You’ll make your decisions accordingly. It’s just a fact. You can only blame YOU for the state of your bod!
Everyone has a different body type and genetics play a role but 90% of our physical appearance is directly related to DIET. FOOD! 90%!!!!!! Only 5% is related to exercise!!! I’m dead serious! You can exercise ALL DAY but if you add a surplus of calories to your body your hard work won’t matter!
It KILLS me when I see girls walking slowly on the treadmill as they chat and then watch them suck down a high-calorie, high-sugar fruit smoothie immediately after. What a WASTE!
It’s simple mathematics! If you put too many calories into your body there is a surplus. That surplus must be STORED. Where do you keep YOUR surplus? Hmmmm? Are you WEARING that jelly donut you ate for breakfast?
If you put LESS calories than your body needs you experience a deficit. Yes? Yes. Fat goes bye-bye.
BUT YOU GOTTA DO IT RIGHT! You can’t starve yourself and you can’t gorge. Everything in moderation, my friends.
THINK before you EAT!
If you can buy it and stick it in the microwave, DON’T EAT IT!
If it has no nutritional value, DON’T EAT IT!
If it is high in refined sugar and sodium, DON’T EAT IT!
If you can’t pronounce the ingredients on the back, DON’T EAT IT!
Here’s what you DO eat. Fresh. Fresh. Fresh to def. veggies and fruit. Lean white meat and fish. Whole wheat bread and tortillas. Beans. Eat small portions frequently. Tons of water!
But YOU KNOW THIS!!! Don’t you? We all know what we should and shouldn’t eat, right? This is just a pep talk for my girl, Slim Lady.
I’m not saying we can NEVER indulge.
I LOVE TO EAT! I love chicken wings and pizza and burgers and ribs and pasta and bread with tons of butter and mashed potatoes with gravy and tamales and quesadillas and red meat and Oreo cookies and brownies and dark chocolate cake.
I could go on for DAYS. I find food exciting and as a result I’m an awesome cook. I LOVE to entertain so people can go all nuts over whatever fabulous meal I have chosen to prepare.
I am the SLOWEST eater on the planet because I want to savor EVERY mouthful. I love the texture of good food. I love the aroma of good food. I love to identify fresh spices in the food I eat. I’ll try anything. I’m not picky. I could never be one of those girls that picks at her salad for appearances. I want to ENJOY life! I want my cake and eat it too!
But my secret is THINK BEFORE YOU EAT! I’m not going to WASTE CALORIES on freaking GOLDFISH CRAKERS! Gross! I’M GONNA THINK TWICE ABOUT DOWNING AN ENTIRE BAG OF GUMMY WORMS OR A PACKAGE OF DING DONGS!
I allow myself to really indulge on something wicked about once a week. If I decide to have a burger I’ll plan it, look forward to it, give it my full attention and make it GOOD! I’ll indulge in an enormous juicy patty with all kinds of fancy cheese and mushrooms and veggies and I’ll let the fat drip down my chin. MMMMMMMMM! Heaven.
THINK BEFORE YOU EAT. When was your last indulgence? Watch your portion size! Is it worth it? Do you want to wear it? If not, DON’T EAT THAT!
Tip: If you are really serious about weight loss I HIGHLY RECOMMEND a FOOD JOURNAL. You’ll be far less inclined to over-eat when you have to write down every morsel you cram down your gullet. (Don’t forget to include the Goldfish crackers YOU SNEAK IN….Those things should be BANNED!)
PS I super-duper LOVE The Eat Clean Book and The Eat Clean Cookbook by Tosca Reno. Tons of great tips and recipes. I use it A LOT. I am also totally addicted to Oxygen Magazine. Check them out!
