Thursday, February 18, 2010

Cry, Baby

Crying is HOT! Crying is down right sexy!  Not that wailing people do when they make lots of noise and ugly, screwed-up faces, but the crying that's almost a whisper and the tears just fall.

If I were I guy I would want my lady to cry regularly just so I could hold her and console her anguished soul as she allowed her tears to slip down my neck.  Is that a wierd thought?  (I'd never want to be a guy.  I'm just sayin' IF....)

A tear stained face is beautiful.  It's vulnerable, soft and human.  A tear stained face is proof of a sensitive soul.  A soul so huge it can no longer be contained and must manifest itself in form of cleansing salt water.

When I see the tear stained face of a child my heart aches.

You don't need to ache for my tear stained face.  I'm totally fine.  I was crying yesterday just 'cause I broke a nail and I'm a girl.  I went through a crappy lil depression for a few months but I'm good now.  Just doin' a little healthy boo-hooin'.  Do you ever do that?  Sometimes you just need a good cry.

Chicks can be silly.  We cry over movies and books.  We cry when someone says something unintentionally hurtful.  We cry when we feel loved.  We cry when we feel unloved.  I've cried because my jeans were too tight.  (They fit great at the moment, fyi.)  I recently cried because my sister was sad.  And last night after the party I cried again because she texted me to say how much she loved me. (I'm not even PMSing...  I know, right?!  It's possible I'm just highly unstable.)  What silly stuff do YOU cry about?

 Crying freely and without shame is a fairly new concept for me.

When I was a kid my mom told us crying was shameful.  We were always embarrassed to cry in front of her or each other.  "Crying doesn't help, " she would say.  (She was terribly abused by her mother as a child and grew up tough.  Crying is for the weak.  Life taught her crying does not ward off a sound beating.)

So yesterday as I drove to meet her for a sushi dinner I let the tears fall for an hour or so.  I pulled myself together when I pulled into the Sakura parking lot.  Then I realized I had nothing in my car with which to wipe my fabulous tear stained face.  CRAP.

"Hey, Mom,"  I said when she walked up to my car door.  "Do you have a napkin or baby wipe in your purse?"

"What did you DO to your FACE?!"  For a moment she thought I was trying to make a Lady Gaga-esque fashion statement.   "Were you CRYING?"  She spit the word out as if it tasted bad.

"Um... yeah... I guess I was... I'm done now."

I wiped my face clean and we went in to the restaurant to have dinner.  She never mentioned the crying.  Crying makes her uncomfortable.  Instead she said,  "Well,  I'm taking you to a jewelry party after this.  You can pick anything you want.  I'll pay for it."

Nice!  An unexpected bonus!

"I don't want to take advantage of you, Mom," I sniffed.

""It's fine.  It's for your birthday."

My birthday is in July.

I smiled.

We went to the party and I emerged triumphant with 4 silver pieces at my Mother's insistance.  YAY!

Retail therapy is REAL, people!

I was the life of the party and super social and super-duper happy!  Little Miss Personality.  I talked and laughed with all the ladies.  I even modeled jewelry for the group.

I should really cry more often.  Cry, baby, cry.