Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Laundry Day

I hate doing laundry.  HATE IT!!!!!!  I know I oughtta be grateful that I have soap and a washing machine and that my children are clothed.  BLAH BLAH BLAH! 

My mom likes to tell me about how in Mexico she had to break the ice in the river to wash clothes.  Yeah, yeah...  Sounds chilly.  (I'm such a brat today!!!)

I do laundry once a week... sort of.  I'm actually constantly washing stuff and leaving it in the laudry room until I'm ready to fold and put away.  Otherwise the house would totally reek of piss and feet. Ew.  It piles up until I'm literally kicking it out of the way.  Then I break down and begin the folding process.

I must always have a Diet Coke on hand or I will kill someone.

Folding laundry for a family of 6 makes me feel TRAPPED!  The piles grow and grow until I'm a tiny elf behind them.  They teeter and totter and sometimes (if the pile is too high) they fall. TIIIMMMBER!  Then I say a few choice words and play pick-up-the-panties.  Do you know that game?  It's fun.  Lemme tell ya.

Inevitably, a child will approach their pile of rapidly growing folded clothing and say  "I need my purple tee shirt with the roses on it.  I HAVE to wear that tomorrow."  Then the child in question will spot the offending purple tee at the bottom of her pile and PULL.  Ok...Crys... deep breath... 1...2....3.... don't trip... it's all good... 4....5...  I'm fine.  Really.

When I fold laundry all hell breaks loose because there is no one manning the offspring.  Today they decided an art project would be fun while Mama folded clothes.  I watched them paint themselves, the dogs, the kitchen counters and the so-called project helplessly from behind an ever-growing pile of towels.

I'm still not done with my chore for the day.  I thought I'd take a break and vent.  Maybe I'll get CRAZY and leave it 'til tomorrow.  OOOOOOOO.  That's totally livin on the WILD side for me.  I like things in order.  My house is generally spotless (except for the laundry room but I just shut the door and it disappears).  I'm a cleaning Nazi.  So if I just leave it I'll be rebeling against the system.    I'm totally gonna do it.  I'm gonna get nuts and finish it tomorrow.

Mmmmmk.  I thought about it and I just can't do it.  I can't have it laughing at me all night.  It will taunt me mercilessly.  I won't have it!  I won't have piles of towels MOCKING me! I can conquer this mountain!

No, but seriously, guys.  I hate folding laundry. GGGRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!