Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Crazy Pants Crys

I bought some crazy pants.  They light me up from within like a Christmas tree. (Yes. I realize in this pic my tank is inside out and I have deoderant on it.  All the cool kids wear their tanks in like fashion.  In addition, this is NOT about my tank.  FOCUS, PEOPLE!)

There's this new store called PH8 (fate... get it? clever.).  In the window of PH8 was an enormous picture of a gorgeous brunette wearing some very sparkly M.C. Hammer pants.  I must admit I salivated.  OOOOOO SHINEY! I swear I was a circus monkey in another life.

I couldn't help going into the store and chatting with the sales girl.

"Do you have those pants in an extra small?  I LOVE them!"

"Yes!  I was actually eyeing those pants myself.  Sooo cute!"

Panic set in.  MINE!

"I'll take them."

"Do you want to try them on first?"

I never try anything on.  I'm very connected to the size of my thighs and the strut of my butt. (I'm rhyming here...) What rhymes with boobs?  tubes? cubes? dubes?  That last one isn't even a word...  You catch my drift.

"No.  I'll just take them home."

I tried not to lose my cool.  The excitement was almost too much to bear.  I watched her wrap them in white tissue paper and gently place them in the shopping bag.  I couldn't help saying,

"I am seriously SO excited about these pants."  Then I squealed.  I couldn't help it.  It just came out.  Unbidden.  Ah well.

I wore the pants the next day.  I was very interested to see people's reactions.  I never mind wearing crazy things people hate.  At least I'm not boring.  'Cause boring is the greatest sin of all...  These are some of the reactions I got:

My daughter Serena said, "I HATE those pants! They are so weird and ugly. You look like you're wearing a diaper!"

My bro-in-law, Jason said, "Those are BOMB! Super cool!"

My man said, "You look good in everything, honey."  (Still not sure what he thought of the pants...)

My sis, Coral said, "Hot.  Sequins are SO in this season."

My girlfriend, Dottie said, "I'm on the fence with those.  You either love them or you hate them."  (She's a southern belle.  That's her way of saying she hated them.)

I had the BEST day going out in public with my sparkly pants.  Everybody stared.  Everybody.  Sometimes I looked them straight in the eye with a serious expression.  Like, "What?!  You never seen a full grown woman in very shiney  harem pants before?"  Other times I'd just grin like the lights were on but nobody home.  Ya know?  Fun, fun, fun for everyone!

What do YOU think of my pants?  (Not that I care... I was just being polite.)