That's what my husband called me. RIGHT TO MY FACE! I'm pissed.
I'll catch you up.
My sis, Coral, texted the other day.
~Describe me in one word.
My reply?
~Loved. You are so Loved. Do me now.
~Open.
I said she was Loved and she described me as Open. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside my heart, so I thought I would play the game with Mr. Pistol.
"Hey, Honey?"
"Yeah."
"Describe me in one word."
"Sexy."
He didn't skip A BEAT! No thought involved AT ALL! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS CRAP?!
So I said (all cute and pouty-like),
"Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T be just sexy!"
His eyes got all squinty and confused. He actually looked away from the TV and directly at me.
"Why?"
"Will I be sexy when I'm 80 and my boobs hang down to my knees??"
Ooooo trick question. Let's see how he handles it, shall we?
"Ummm... yes?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wrong answer!"
He scratched his head.
"No?"
"NO. I asked you to pick one word that would describe ME. ME as a PERSON! ME as an INDIVIDUAL WITH INTELLIGENCE! ME as an ETERNAL ENTITY WITH ENDLESS POTENTIAL! And the only word you could come with is SEXY?"
"I didn't realize...."
"Well yeah, I know, cause to MEN sexy is all that matters! Sure, I'm sexy as hell NOW, but what about the aging process? Huh? If my word is SEXY than what will I be when sexy is GONE?"
"Uhhh..."
"NOTHING. I'll be nothing. A has-been who was SuperSexy Once Upon A Time. And you'll say, 'Remember when you were Sexy?' "
"Can I change my answer?"
"Good idea."
"Complex."
"I don't know if I like that answer either."
"I have a headache."
I can't imagine why.
PS Can you tell I used to be a serious dancer? I still am. I gotz mad skillz, yo.
Ok. So. Describe me in one word. Be nice.
I'll start.
Narcissistic.
Now that THAT'S outta the way it's your turn.
Let's talk about YOU. What do YOU think about ME?
Hmmmm?
