"Ummm... hello? Death?" said Lori on the phone this morning.
"No. It's Crystal. Not Death" said I.
It took me several minutes to convince her I was not, in fact, The Grim Reaper paying her a call.
I sound really super SEX-AY right now. I sound EXACTLY like an 85-year-old smoker who may or may not be a woman. I have that raspy, raw quality to my voice that boasts decades of chain smoking. I even have a hacking cough that threatens to release one of my shriveled, black lungs any given moment. (Don't worry. I'd just swallow it back down. Slippery lil suckers, Lungs.)
I am SICK. I AM A SICK-O.
I suffer from very serious cold/flu symptoms such as chills, sore throat, pizza cravings, fever, cough, sniffy nose, achy everything, and HALLUCINATIONS.
YES! I get to see things that aren't even THERE! ...Without the use of illegal drugs!
Today I napped and awoke to find myself in a cage. Men with big yellow teeth were poking sticks at me through the bars of my cage. They would laugh real loud and say, "FREAK GIRL. HEY FREAK GIRL!"
Jarring.
Then I napped and dreamed the teachers at the elementary school had gone bananas and were holding all the children hostage with machine guns until they got pay raises. Don't worry. I snuck in a took them all out with my ninja skills. ??????
I am trying to combat the madness by sucking down vast amounts of over-the-counter meds.
I "lost" the little cup that measures out the appropriate dosage of Nyquil. And by "lost" I mean I threw it away.
Dosage cups are for light weights.
I wish there was a way to express to you in words just how miserable I feel. But even I, with all my fancy adjectives and verbs and dangling participles, cannot accurately share my pain.
The following pictures are worth a thousand words. I'll warn you in advance. I LOOK HOT! Enjoy.
That pretty much sums it up. I feel like crap. *cough-cough-hack-wheeze-cough*
I showed my husband these pics, which he took. I said, "You should leave me based on these pictures alone. I'D leave me over these pics!"
He chuckled and shook his head. (He shakes his head at me a lot. I'm pretty silly)
So, what kind of home-remedies do YOU do to feel better when you're a sick-o?
PS Please excuse the roll of potty paper. I am not fancy enough to afford a box of tissues. But I remember when I WAS fancy I enjoyed the tissues with lotion built right in to stave off chapped noses. Genuis invention, those lotion tissues.
