Thursday, July 5, 2012
Froggy Loses His Mind And Is Nevertheless Protected By Frog Angels
We are saddened to note that after the marvelous monsoon we so thoroughly enjoyed a frog has emerged and lost his amphibian mind.
My family, friends and I are not saddened by the presence of the frog, per se. We are merely concerned his choice of action is to hop into oncoming traffic.
"NO! Froggy! No! Come back!" we shout.
But Froggy pays no mind and continues hop hop hopping his way through the busy parking lot.
We are camped on the outer edges of said parking lot armed with canvas fold up chairs, thirst busters and Cheetos of various levels of spice. The 4th of July fireworks display is meant to take place at 9pm from downtown Tucson's A mountain.We have arrived at 7pm to secure a good spot.
There are lots people of all walks of life and many degrees of sobriety also enjoying the parking lot and awaiting the fireworks display. Some have brought small grills and are roasting wieners. Others have large coolers filled with beer and cola. Many of the men are gang tattoo laden and corn rowed. Several women threaten to explode from the uber tight fitting attire they have chosen to wear to celebrate the Independence of this great nation. Their several body parts are screaming for independence from cheap spandex and the like.
Nice families also line the lot and are tossing frisbees and footballs. The paleta man wheels his cart and rings his bell. An ice cream truck plays her little ice cream tune.
I am enjoying being one with The People. I speak Spanish to a lady with a baby. And English to the many police officers prepared to keep the peace. I love this environment. My children are a bit frightened. I laugh at their fear as every good mother should. Man up, I say!
My family and I enjoy the company of my dear friend, Shannon, and her two little boys and husband.
And as we sit we wring our hands for Froggy of the death wish.
Froggy is protected by unseen angels. Car after car pass Froggy by, barely missing his mucus ridden little greenish body.
We are amazed and are suddenly cheering for Froggy.
"YAY, FROGGY! THAT WAS A CLOSE CALL!" we shout after the passing of a large white Dodge pickup truck.
The family next to us also begins to shout encouragement to Froggy. The large Mexican father shines his flashlight on Froggy. Froggy is in the spotlight. Froggy is a celebrity!
A red minivan approaches.
"You're a gonner for sure, Froggy," we say wringing our hands.
But what's this?!
The minivan straddles Froggy as it rolls on. Froggy is safe!!!
Car after car threaten to end Froggy tonight.
My nerves are shot.
There is finally a gap in traffic. I run out with an empty Styrofoam cup and chase a hopping Froggy about. All the people laugh heartily as I chase and he eludes me with the maddening hopping.
Yes. It is all fun and games until a Froggy get flattened.
He finally tires of the chase and jumps into my cup.
The children and random strangers cheer with wild abandon.
Froggy is set free in a muddy ditch.
Froggy is free from the tyranny of parking lots and angry vehicles. Froggy is independent of spotlights and human interference. Froggy is free to practice whatever religion he chooses and will never again suffer the injustices of taxation without representation.
It is a good day to be an American (frog.. or maybe he is a toad... I really don't know the difference.).
PS I have tried to re-enable my comments (with moderation, 'cause a dude I know wants to slander my name and harm my tender feelings) but it doesn't seem to work when I push all the right buttons. I'd ask you guys for suggestions but... no comments, you see... I'll figure it out eventually.
Posted by Crystal Pistol at 1:33 AM