Monday, June 11, 2012
Witches Are Notoriously Jealous
I hopped on my broomstick tonight. I needed to clear my head.
Heads get so muddled sometimes. Especially mine.
I flew to Las Vegas and picked up Coral's cat. It took about 20 minutes as the broom flies. Worth the trip. My powers are always stronger when traveling with a black cat.
I always had a black cat when I was growing up. Any witch worth her salt has one. My sisters and my mother each have one.
Alas, my husband and child are allergic so cats are off limits to me. Which is fine. I rarely need my witchy powers as a Mormon mom living in the burbs Tucsonia. My diminished powers keep me positive and able to mingle.
My witchy powers are cheating powers anyway. Mortals are meant to operate through Faith. And communicate with The Beyond through properly sanctioned channels. I play by the rules. I must stand on my own two feet and fall on my own two knees for answers now. Such is the plan from above.
Sally Fourth of July purred the moment she saw me.
"Where are we going?" she asked, weaving her sleek body round and round my bare legs.
"I'd like to hie to Kolob, if you don't mind," said I. "I have some questions I need answered."
Sally smiled and licked her left paw. "Don't be ridiculous."
"The moon then. Let's go to the moon."
We flew above Las Vegas and saw a middle-aged homeless couple kissing in the park below. A soft pink glow surrounded them. The Love Glow. It can be seen from the heavens when it is real.
I sighed. Ah. Love. Love it what we live for. One day, after a peaceful millennia, the world will be governed by Love.
"Why are we flying tonight, Cryssy? Why have you dragged me away from my warm bed and out into the night air?" shivered Sally.
"Death," I said.
"You are obsessed with death, I know."
"I am obsessed with life, Sally Fourth. I am obsessed with the life before this one. Pre-existance. I am trying to excel in my current Telestial situation. My thoughts are constantly turned to the life after Now. We will all die, Sally. All of us. Everyone should be obsessed with life and death."
"Scratch my chin. ...pprrrrrrrrrr....yes... mmmmmmm ...you've done this before," she smirked.
We flew higher and higher into the night. We came across The Cat and The Fiddle.
"Hello Tom," said Sally in her husky come hither feline voice.
"Sally, you look ravishing as ever," said he, tipping his hat. "What brings you here?"
Sally tossed her lovely head lightly in my direction and rolled her eyes.
"Hey Tom," I said. "Tonight it came to me that I will either die a very old woman. Or I will die slowly of cancer. Either way, I will become more and more unattractivee as the process progresses. I fear becoming terribly unattractive.
Tom played a happy tune on his fiddle as I spoke.
...I told my husband, I said, 'When I die of cancer you're probably going to get married right away. There is no way you could last long alone'.
"He said, 'No I won't! That's ridiculous! But if I die YOU will surely find the first tall, handsome doctor in the hospital and make him your man.'
" 'That's STUPID!' I said. 'I WOULD NOT FIND A DR AND MAKE HIM MY MAN! I would never want another man again.
" '...But YOU! Ugh! YOUUUUU! Your mother would set you up within 2 weeks of my death to a desperate 45 year old Mormon Returned Missionary. You would find solace in her 45 year old virgin BREASTS!'
"He said he would not get re-married if I die first. And I don't believe that for one minute. He WILL marry and when he finally dies, I'll KILL him.
"I was so upset I cried a little. For emphasis. I wasn't sure if I was joking."
I had just finished my monologue to the cats when The Little Dog Laughed To See Such a Sight. He laughed so hard he urinated on a star and extinguished it completely.
I saw his point.
It's all a big joke, isn't it? Death and ugly? These things are silly and temporary.
As I contemplated the Universe the Dish Ran Away With the Spoon.
I felt better.
Venting on a broomstick in the atmosphere is so cleansing.
Love can make a mortal crazy.
Lack of control or knowledge of what the future holds makes one crazier still.
When The Cow (at long last) Jumped Over The Moon a thought came to me from a higher power.
Be still and know that I am God.
Be still and know that I am God. Just the inspiration I needed to calm my troubled mind.
In a world of chaos and witchcraft and laughing dogs and loud music and flashing lights and constant sleight of hand, the peace of knowing I am in His care is invaluable.
My descent to Earth was a peaceful one.
However, if my man thinks he's gonna find a lady after I'm dead he's got another thing coming! I'll haunt that hooch until she is deemed clinical insane. BOO!
Are you cool with YOUR spouse marrying someone else after you die?