Wednesday, September 22, 2010


Martha Stewert is a classy broad, isn't she?  Would you agree with that statement?  Of course you would!

Martha Stewert bakes goblin cookies at halloween and has a pleasant throaty laugh and WAS IN JAIL!  Does anyone even remember that????  Yet we would all agree the woman has got CLASS. Classy little jail bird with perfectly polished silver.

I have class too. 

HEYYYY!  I totally HEARD you scoff! 

I know you don't believe me.  I write words like poop and zit and BOOBS. 

I have traveled the world. I speak a few languages including English, Spanish and Mormon.  I went to a private, religious university in which there were lots of very snobby, classy, judgemental white people.  I have a great deal of faith in my religion.  I read classic books like Anna Karenina and Moby DICK.  Ok, so I haven't read Moby DICK.  I just happen to like the title for obvious reasons... Moby is a great musician.

So if I'm so classy and all WHY would I post TRASH?  I've thought about it a lot today.  If Martha is so classy how did she end up in the slammer?

I get ITCHY.  When I have behaved myself for a extended amount of time (say a day or two) I get an ITCH.  The only way to relieve myself is to flip upside down.  Let the blood rush to my head.  Scare the HELL out of the people I love.  BOO!  BOOBS!

You're guilty too, ya know. To whatever degree, even if it's in the privacy of your own mind, you fall off the tight rope. You drink spiked punch and dance nude on a coffee table until you pass out. ADMIT IT!

You can't expect me to NOT DRINK and NOT PARTY and NOT DO DRUGS and NOT NOT NOT, without flipping out just a little sometimes!  You can't expect it!

And guess what?  I make sure you don't.  When I'm all religious and sweet and sappy and emo for too long I wanna pull the table cloth out from under the china and see everything crash!  I want to be the bull in the China shop.  I want SOMEONE.... ANYONE to disapprove of my behavior.  I want someone to shake his head and click his tongue and say, "I just don't know what to THINK about that girl!"

I walk rightside up for as long as I can.  I really do.

THEN, when I have been nasty for long enough I want to go back and polish my halo which is filthy because it's been drug through the mud. 

For a minute people are lured back into the trap of thinking (hoping) I may still have a little class left.  They forget I was in jail with Martha Stewert baking marijuana brownies.  I don't do drugs but Martha is a TOTAL Pot Head.  I don't judge.  I just bake.  I don't judge. Neither should you. I'm tryin here!