Thursday, August 26, 2010

Sad Sad Bridal Gown

She is a sad, sad dress.

I found her at Savers yesterday. $12.99.

I am going to book group tonight. We read THE LAST LECTURE by Randy Pausch. Tragic. Touching. I cried and cried.

Creative Jenny opted for a dress up book group.

Disney Theme. What were your childhood dreams?

Nine year old Crys with frizzy hair and boney knees wanted to be Beautiful and Loved when she grew up. Nothing more.

So I went to Savers looking for a dress that would embody Happily Ever After. I wanted to represent Every Princess Wishing Upon A Star.

I was elated when I found her hanging there in all her beaded glory. Twelve Bucks?! YES!

At size 18W she is a tad large for me. And there are what seem to be Cheeto and chocolate stains on the bodice. (I sincerely HOPE they are chocolate stains. Could be ANYTHING, really…)

The bride who wore this was clearly pudgy and had a healthy relationship with Chester Cheetah and Peanut M&Ms.

Her groom was a Chubby Chaser, so everybody was happy and well fed.


You can guess what happened to our portly Bride, right?

Her dreams of Happily Ever After were dashed by the wayside.

She wore this dress on the Eve of her Divorce one last time and tried to no avail to mend her broken heart with synthetic, orange chips and unsavory milk chocolate with a colorful candy shell. The tear stains have long since dried on this sad, sad bridal gown.

I walked out of Savers with a heavy heart.

Too many people I love are falling victim to the ravages of Divorce.

You can see it in their hollow, weather beaten eyes. You can feel it in the empty laughter of their children as they internally try to make sense of a suddenly collapsed Universe.

Tears stream down my face as I write this because of the utter tragedy involved in the destruction of families. The massacre of Dreams shattered and Hearts rent in twain.

How does it happen? How does ‘I DO’ become ‘I Don’t Anymore You Fat Cow’?

I believe that when a Love once carved in the cosmos dies the Angels in Heaven cannot be consoled and Demons in Hell applaud with gusto.

I am not standing atop a pedestal with a haughty pointed finger. Trust me. I am humbled here. And at a loss for understanding.

I was a 20 year old baby in white when I wed. My husband was a 21 year old man-child. We had dreams of Happily Ever After and abundant Sex Forevermore the day we exchanged vows.

We had no idea that marriage is THE most difficult thing that is asked of us in this life. I don’t care WHO you are. You are in for a bumpy ride.

No one tells you when you are a nine year old dreamer that there will be yelling and crying and power struggles and money issues and screaming children with filthy diapers at 3:54 am.

No one tells you how many “I’m sorry’s” will be offered nor how difficult humility will become.

My husband and I have essentially raised each other from childhood. We have both been fools and we have both been heroes. We have taken turns being the strong and the weak.

Having this year experienced THE WORST, MOST HORRIFIC YEAR OF MY LIFE, I have realized as of late that Happily Ever After with The One You Chose IS possible.
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My man goes out into the world daily and slays dragons for his Queen and Royal Offspring. He carries the weight of the world on his enormous shoulders. He defends his castle against every manner of danger.

After a full day of dragon slaying he comes home famished for food and Love to a woman who does her best to provide both. I have never been perfect. I am flawed beyond comprehension. But I try. I have always tried.

He is a generous Lover and I a Slave Driver. “You’re gonna do it and do it until you get it RIGHT!“ I say. It seems to work out well for everyone involved.

I would take a bullet for him. He would take a thousand for me. So when the bullets of life fly from every conceivable direction, we are a united front.

I know nothing is sure in this world. People start out with the best of intentions and somewhere along the line things get muddled. The battle for clarity is never-ending.

Mists of darkness blind our eyes and we see only selfish desires. Everyone is guilty.

I have prayed to know what I can do to keep my marriage safe from destruction.

My whispered answers? LOVE. HOPE. FAITH. FORGIVENESS. FORGIVENESS. FORGIVENESS. FORGIVENESS EVERYDAY I LIVE. (In turn, I hope to be daily forgiven as well.)

So I will cling to The One I chose and FORGIVE his unrefined sense of humor, dirty socks and manly belching. I will LOVE him with all the strength of my soul. I will have FAITH that if we both try God will bless our union. I will HOPE for Joy in The Journey and Happily Ever After in Eternity.


“Please, please, God. Please don’t ever let my wedding dress hang on a rack in the local Savers…”

PS  I forgot to mention SERVICE.  SERVICE is very important in a marriage.  I SERVICE my man regularly to keep a smile on his face and hip in his hop...