We had a family picnic today. There was an outhouse with bees flying in and out of the filth below.
I have no problem with outhouses... or bees. But the lil ones could not be convinced to use the facility.
NEVER FEAR! AUNTIE CRYSTAL IS HERE!
"Follow me!" I said benevolently.
A frustrated group of little girls with full bladders followed my lead down the stream. I found a secluded area and said,
"I will show you how it's done in nature."
And I did.
They shrieked and giggled with delight. I laughed too.
"I WANNA TRY," they all shouted.
"Me first!"
"No! Me first!"
"You're FUN, Crystal!"
I taught each one the fine art of squating in the woods. They accidentally urinated on my bare feet as I held each of the little ones up. I didn't bat an eye.
I just laughed, "Hey! Look! You're peeing on my foot!"
I'm monumentally proud of myself for walking them through this all important milestone.
I have simultaneously scared and scarred them for life and also taught them a valuable lesson.
The valuable lesson is this:
If you decide to urinate with an audience on a mountain by a stream, you may have a bit of performance anxiety. But if you PERSEVERE you will succeed and the unwanted liquid will flow like a golden shower.
