I Sit on my couch with the TV blaring. I hate the TV blaring. TV kills brain cells. So why? I'M SCARED TO BE ALONE. TV is my only friend awake.
I watched a scary movie tonight. I must confess and repent of my blunder. Mormons are encouraged to avoid movies with the "R" rating. Normally I adhere to this suggestion because I find I'm far too sensitive to handle some of the violence, sexual content and language. But this time I would be my own person and make my own decision! I would rebel and watch what I wanted to watch!! Humph! What, you ask, did I want to see so badly?
I wanted to watch a hip flick about a girl who becomes a demon at the hands of devil worshippers and devours the flesh of unsuspecting, stupidly adoring boys. What? It sounds harmless, right?
My gorgeous blond sis-in-law didn't know what we were in for when we purchased our treats. (Popcorn and diet coke for me. Ice cream and water for her... She had originally chosen an enormous pickle but due to my incessant teasing regarding the falic treat she rethought her snack choice.)
The theatre was dark and empty when we walked in. We were elated we were the only people in the theatre! We giggled. We talked. We told crude jokes. We confessed our deepest darkest secrets. We screamed at the screen, "RUN YOU IDIOT! TAKE OFF YOUR STUPID SHOES AND RUUUN!!! Why is she SO slow?"
We owned the place. Queens of the castle. I screamed at every given opportunity. We laughed like insane hyenas. We mimicked the actresses with, "YOU'RE JUST JELLO" or "YOU LOOK PLUGGED UP!". (jello=jealous; plugged up= tampon stopper) BLAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Syndi laughed loudly, "I CAN'T WAIT TIL I CAN LOOK AT YOU AND SAY 'YOU LOOK PLUGGED UP!' HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I responded with, "YOU'RE JUST JELLO."
She said, "THE GREEN KIND WITH ALL THE CARROTS IN IT." (Mormons generally put carrots in their jello molds. It is not a Commandment.)
All the while I laughed the nervous laugh of the terrified. I had real urge to cry. I am not accustomed to gory images of human entrails being slurped like the soup DE jure.
More yelling at the screen as if to subdue the panic I felt at the thought of innocent boys being eaten by an evil vixen.
"OH MY GOSH SHE'S SO SCARY!!! HER SHOES ARE SUPER HOT. AHHHHHH! WOW HER BODY IS BANGIN!"
OR
"oH NO, CHIP! DONT GO WITH HER!! SHE'LL EAT YOU!!!! CHIP IS REALLY CUTE! iF I WERE IN HIGH SCHOOL I'D TOTALLY DATE HIM! CHIIIIIPPP!!!! AHHHHH!
Do you understand what happened here? We became ridiculous tweens despite our actual ages (I'm 25. she's 21). We screamed and giggled and I wanted to vomit several times at the gore and anticipation of violence to come.
The movie was over. We sat waiting for the credits to roll and what should occur? But A MAN who had been sitting in the front row the entire flick stood up to leave. Yup. We had played fools for this stranger. He never spoke a word, only looked up as if to say, "you might consider serious psychiatric help, young ladies". Oops!
When he left we screamed again just for old times sake. Just let loose and "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!". Then we laughed ourselves to the potty for relief.
Why do people watch and write and produce scary movies? I suppose the rush of watching another human being slaughtered and eaten by a beautiful woman is compelling. I could have left the movie. I could have said, "this is inspiring far too many excitable currents through my body. I must return to safety where I can watch 'My Antonio' (which is just as scary in a completely different way.). But I stayed. I stayed till the end. I liked the rush. Even the thought that Satan is sleeping under my bed right now was not enough to pull me away.
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Nothing profound, really. This is more of a journal entry than anything else.
I must say, however, it is very nice to have a friend to live with and laugh with and love with and share shoes with and scream obscenities at the big screen without reserve with. That's what it's all about. I only care to surround myself with people who are not afraid to act the fool. I like people that are brave in the face of social norms and break them.
Next time you have a chance at an empty theatre (it's happening more and more given economic climate) go ahead and holler. Go ahead and show you what you're made of! Dance in the convenient store if the song moves you. Ride a grocery cart full speed through Target (if anyone stops you say you desperately need fem products...or adult diapers.). Go to the park and swing from a tree. Try animated audience participation when you go to a show. Leave folks wondering if you're high or retarded. It's liberating to show forth a little bad behavior. Just a little.
